Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Andy Rooney does not in fact seem to be ready for some football.

To get you excited about the Super Bowl, here is Andy Rooneys trip to Super Bowl XLII (42(forty-two(cuarenta y dos(zweiundvierzig(quarante-deux)))))

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Magic keep ESPN happy, let Heat win the east

In an effort to satisfy ESPN, the Orlando Magic have made no attempts to improve there team this off season. With rumors of Chris Paul and Carmelo Anthony flying around Orlando chooses to keep Vince "he won the dunk contest in the 90's" Carter and Jameer "did we really keep him instead of Rafer Alston" Nelson. The small market of Orlando shouldn't be too sad though, head coach, Stan Van Gundy, is no longer allowed to wear turtle necks during games.

As an attempt to show good sportsmanship Life on the Bandwagon would like to congratulate the Miami Heat/L.A. Lakers on their championship. May this congratulations jinx you both.

*cough cough* Sorry coach I can't come into work today.

Gilbert Arenas was recently busted for skipping work. The pillows arranged to look like his sleeping body under a blanket worked perfectly as did the recording of his voice saying he's too sick to get out of bed. His one mistake was his plan to drive his car in reverse to make it seem like he didn't go out. "Next time I'll take the bus," commented Arenas. Arenas seems to be learning from his mistakes. He didn't have a gun with him. Wizard fans have a lot to be excited for as talks about renaming the team back to the Bullets are circulating.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

It's 2010 and Jim Rome still has a goatee

When I first started this blog one of the things I wanted to make fun of was the sports media. I was driving a lot, which meant listening to a lot of sports talk on the radio. It's to be expected that any sports news will lack intellectual stimulation, but I found the misfortune of listening to one show in particular that was completely void of any thought. That show belonged to Jim Rome.

I haven't listened to his show since then, but was reminded of his existence today while searching for tailgating rules for the UCF Spring Game. The memories returned to me as if I was remembering why I hate lizards. Congratulations Jim Rome. Your show is just as bad as opening your blinds to see two lizards making hanky panky on the outside of your window and the girl lizard is bleeding out her vagina while a lizard dick is forced into it.

I'm not trying to shock anyone by talking about lizard dick. It's just the only comparison that does justice to how bad his radio show is. From what I understand he has a TV show, which might be watchable for all I know.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Perry Fewell, the running play and local sports radio

By now, you've watched the game. You've read the recaps. You've heard the callers on WGR. The Buffalo Bills finally broke free of their fourth quarter doldrums and poured on 24 points in the final frame to beat the Dolphins.

Ryan Fitzpatrick hooked up with Terrell Owens (remember him?) on another long TD pass. You've read all of that. You might have also come across one other thing in your postgame media breakdown that isn't as fun or exciting as those.

Yesterday, during the postgame show on local sports favorite WGR550, hosts Mike Schopp and the Bulldog (sources cannot confirm whether this host is an actual bulldog) discussed the Bills' last offensive play of the game. Buffalo had 1st-and-goal at the Miami seven yard line, with 1:25 remaining and leading by 10 points.

Fitzpatrick handed off to Fred Jackson and Jackson did the rest. He found the end zone. Seems pretty standard, right? You're that deep into the opponent's red zone, it's late in the game, so you hand the ball off hoping to get Jackson some more yards and the offensive line a chance to hit somebody. Not to mention to run time off the clock.

Apparently, according to the WGR hosts, there is some kind of sportsmanship rule that says that you have to fall on the ball three times in that situation. Never mind that you're only up by 10 at that point. Never mind that you're not calling a fade route to Owens or Evans. You can't even run the ball. You have to kneel on it, or you're showing poor sportsmanship. You're running up the score.

Now, I could see their point if, like the Patriots, they were leading 52-0 and dialed up a long throw to a wide receiver. I could even see it if they were leading by 17 points. I could see it if Fitzpatrick had thrown for 300+ yards and Jackson had 100. But they didn't. They were leading by 10. Running up the score doesn't even come into play until about three scores.

And that's not even the main reason why I disagree with their point. Why, then, do I think it was a good idea to run the ball in that situation?

It was the opposite of what Dick Jauron would've done.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Bills Fire Another Guy, This Time It's the Right One

According to multiple sources, the Buffalo Bills have fired head coach Dick Jauron, two days after losing to the 2-6 Titans by a score of 41-17. It's not exactly a gutsy move by owner Ralph Wilson, but avid followers of the team will know that Wilson isn't really a gutsy owner. At least they finally got rid of him. Maybe the new coach will install an offense that is actually difficult for NFL players to defend against.

It's about time. Does anyone know if Wilson has Bill Cowher's cell number?

Friday, November 13, 2009

Much Ado About Marcus Jordan

College basketball is here! Meaning that Marcus Jordan just played in his first college game in a packed UCF Arena. Jordan drew quite the crowd. It was only the second time I had seen the student section in the lower bowl full, the first being against Memphis last year. Most of the news about him has been his refusal to wear the team sponsored Adidas shoes. Marcus Jordan, nerdy goggles and all, put up a disappointing performance for the packed house, scoring zero points and missing two free throws.

Every touch of the ball by Jordan excited the crowd. "That's a Jordan move." Was said by a fan after Marcus juked a defender. With all the attention on Marcus, Isaac Sosa put up 26 points and I can proudly proclaim that I shop at the same grocery store as him.

As for the other basketball games of the night Michigan State, Kentucky, Duke, Purdue, and Kansas beat teams that many people have never heard of. No wonder people don't care until March.